Sunday, 1 September 2013

The 3 modes of Fat Loss: The good, bad and the best!

Yes, that is the very reason I feel a lot lesser Man than I used to...So should you!

Among the mire of "clinics" offering WIGHT LOSS packages, the very reason that your body developed into what it is today is getting so incredibly lost! Whatever you are today, is more a result of your own sins than the genes your parents passed onto you. The fact that your gene has made it this far in the history of human evolution is proof enough that it is at the very least OKAY. You have turned yourself into a piece of pathetic lump! And the clinics, gyms, health(?) clubs are feeding on your reluctance to accept the truth. The truth that if it is you who has turned yourself into whatever crap you are, then it is definitely you again who can set it right. Accept the responsibility for yourself or just stay, as Jamie says, the object of hatred of your parents...

This post is for those who have for long fantasized about smoking hot women(for the guys) or men(for the gals) checking them out so frequently that even the fall of the Indian Rupee price would seem slow. And for that fu***rs, losing weight is the last thing you would want to do! Rather, you gotta lose all those abhorring FAT and at the same time, actually, gain muscle. Ain't that clear???

Oh, and for those people who are of the opinion that both cannot be done together, well, you are only aware of the half-truth sissy. It is the elite athletes, bodybuilders, powerlifters, combat athletes, etc. who need to have different phases of getting jacked and ripped, not you. You simply suck and you will continue to do so unless you follow my path to become awesome!

Mode 1:

People who cannot or will not visit any gym, would rather use their own bodyweight, and are proficient in performing the absolute basic moves,i.e., the squat, push up and any form of the pull up, should choose this mode. The plan is simple, of course. And it goes like this:

Train like a boxer

Jump rope for time, start with a minute, then 1:30, 2:00 and eventually 3 with only 1 minute  of rest in between. Start with 3 rounds and work up to 6.

Lean musculature, extreme conditioning, the boxer has it all...
Now on to the bit harder part. After a couple of weeks add push ups as soon as you finish the round of jumping. 10 to 20 will be plenty.
Adding pull ups at the end of the jump rope and push ups combo will make you COMPLETE. If you cannot perform the full pull ups, do not despair. Decline pull ups with your feet on the ground will serve you as well.                                                                          
Gonna fly now...
Mode 2:

This is for those who cannot and will not visit a gym but can and will afford a pair of these

Dumbbells are one of the finest tools of the trade. Whatever your goal, these gems will never fail you and here is THE best use of a pair dumbbells ever. In the words of Pavel, enter the Clean and Press!

Dan John, a spectacular coach in his own right has this to say about the C&P
"If all you did was clean and press, you could be awesome."

This movement is as simple as it gets. Just pick the bells off the ground with sheer leg strength while keeping your back flat. Pull them up ferociously to the shoulders and shoot those M***F***rs up with all the strength that you have. Repeat! Start light and add weight as you deem fit. 3 sets of 15 reps twice a week will turn you into a ripped piece of awesomeness personified in no time. Go heavier for less reps and more sets and you will be heartily surprised. The options on this one are actually endless.

"Jacked and Ripped"...explained.

And by the way, ladies, all of the above apply to you as well! Do not for a moment surmise that you can or should get away with anything less. Yes, the weights used will be less for you, but the badassery of the whole training regimen remains the same. Think I am speaking gibberish. Think again
The very existence of Dana Bailey on this planet ensures that the legit pussies are no less awesome than the Men...

Mode 3:

The best has been saved for the last. This one is not for the commoners. People with anything less than granite like determination need not apply.
You have three moves to perform. And they are the SQUAT, WEIGHTED PULL UPS or CHIN UPS and LOADED CARRY
You start with 3 sets of 15 reps of the squat. The last 5 reps should make you sweat blood. Nothing less should even be pondered upon. 
In between squat sets plug in the weighted pull ups or chin ups. 3 sets of no more than 7 and no less than 5 reps. Should be fairly heavy and hard.
As you are sweating blood, the real game starts. Lift a heavy bag, sandbag, keg, barrel, atlas stone or whatever odd object you have access to and go for walk into HELL. A total of 5 minutes. You can rest the object on to something if you must but that resting time will not count. Use a stopwatch or a partner to keep time( what are partners there for anyway!) and complete the time. If you have nothing of the tools mentioned above then just grab a pair of dumbbells and do the same.
Once a week of this torture for 3 months and the Devil will be yours...

Mode 1 and Mode 2 are for all and sundry. Do follow them and make your ancestors feel proud of you. Do not follow them and make the viagra companies jump up in delight!!!

Mode 3, of course, is applicable to only Beast tamers like ME
Wet panties??? You bet...

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